incredible.  that’s all i’ve got to say.  this guy i’ve been talking to, who i code named “bo”  , is absolutely incredible.  saturday night, i was sitting home downloading music (was going to go to a bonfire but it was midnight before i realized it so i said never mind).  bo had gone out to the bar & got back online around 2, i think.  so, he’s all pissed off cuz some guy at the bar decided he needed bo’s fist in his face.  he gets online & after just a few second, asks if he can call me.  now, i thought that was pretty great.  he’s upset & he wants to talk to ME.  awesome, right?

somehow, in the course of our conversation on the phone, bo decides that, since he’s off work today (monday) he should just hop in the car & drive down to see me.  of course, i think he’s full of shit & just saying it cuz he’s got a few drinks in him.  he’ll fall asleep & forget all about it, right?  wrong.  he gets in the new monte (kick ass automobile, by the way) and heads down the hiway.  now, i think it’s exceptionally flattering that he just had the DESIRE to drive all that way just to see me… but he actually did it!  like i said, he’s incredible.

so, when he gets close, he calls & i tell him a place to meet that’s easy to find & i can just lead him to my house.  i was nervous as hell.  i mean, i’ve had some great, long, personal, fun conversations with him & we’ve talked pretty much every day since he first contacted me but i was still nervous about meeting him face to face.  but, within about 30 seconds of seeing each other, after a very nice long hug, we were kissing.  so the nervousness was basically gone after that.  plus, he just happens to be an amazing kisser.  bonus.

and he has beautiful greenish brown eyes.  i couldn’t stop looking at him and/or touching him.  and his smile, as cheesy as it sounds, makes me melt.  his smile makes me smile… and i just wanted to keep him smiling.  i have a “thing” for the arm, shoulder, back, neck area… and good lord!  It was like he was built just for me… VERY sexy body.  when we talked on the phone saturday night, he went into this big discussion about how i can have “anybody i want” and why do i want to meet a guy from michigan when i could have someone near me.  he wanted to know what makes him so special or different from guys here.  i’m thinking i should be asking him that!  what makes me so special that he’d hop in the car & drive 8 hours thru the night just to spend a day with me?  this guy is amazing, and i think he could have any girl he wants so why doesn’t he have a girl in michigan?  i mean, i feel so so SO lucky that he’s chosen to meet me & apparently wants to see more of me but why am i so fortunate? 

so, unfortunately, this thinking leads me to insecurity.  we had an outstanding day together.  i loved every second of it & didn’t want him to leave.  so why do thoughts float thru my mind about him not having a good time or getting a roll in the hay so now he’s done with me?  from what i’ve seen, he isn’t the type of guy who’d even do that (get some & then go away).  then i start thinking that i wasn’t “good enough”.  when it comes to things of a physical nature, i already don’t feel totally confident for some reason… so then i wonder if he was really “satisfied”.  why do these thoughts go thru my mind?  i mean, he drove a long way, was all over me fairly quickly, slept with his arms around me all night, told me it was well worth the drive, mentioned meeting next weekend again (which is what we’d planned already).  why can’t i just be like “hell yeah, he likes me!  i’m awesome, so why wouldn’t he?”.  why do i need reassurance?  i guess a little bit of it is that i’m just scared.  scared of getting played, getting hurt… but, we all know that if you don’t take the risk, you’ll never have the reward.  i think i can blame at least a little of it on the dude i dated off-and-on for very nearly the past year.  i didn’t know from one day to the next if he was going to be into me or not.  it sucks that i let that get to me but i guess i did.  and i guess i’m probably still a little hurt from getting blown off by him too.  that wasn’t fun.  but, i can’t blame it all on him.  i don’t want to be all girlie & need constant reassurance!  how annoying is that?  well… i’m NOT like that so i’ll just have to cease and desist with that nonsense right now.  i'll just chalk it up to new relationship jitters and let it go.

alrighty, i really don’t think i want to get into a psychological analysis of myself right now.  i should just go with the blissful feeling i’ve had since i first saw bo yesterday.  I’ll just have to trust in the fact that he’ll be honest with me and tell me if anything wasn’t or isn’t cool.  and for now, trust in the fact that he likes me as much as i like him.

ooh boy… i could fall in love with this guy.